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A Bug's Life

Daniel Roe
Poster: Daniel Roe @ Mon Sep 08, 2008 6:15 pm

The creature that darted into my living room had the aerial abilities of Amelia Earhart when she wasn't chocked full of laudanum and crashing airplanes into the Pacific Ocean.

This thing was as big as my pathology textbook and twice as deadly. I finally lured it into my kitchen by opening the blinds and watching it smack head first into the window. Sort of surprising considering I've neglected its cleaning for so long that it's opacity makes the hellish Phoenix sun on one side look like mid morning in Boston on the other.

Having dazed it a little and bought myself some time to consider different methods of dispatch, I thought back to my organic chemistry class. What do you do to an animal that breathes through it's skin? ...

I got it right on the first try when I picked up the maximum strength Formula 409. With the fly swatter in one hand and the bottle in the other, I alternated between swiping and shooting at the fucker until finally it perched, likely fatigued, at the very apex of my 13 foot vaulted ceiling. 409, being designed specifically to kill living creatures at long distances, launched a final volley of liquid death that vanquished my foe and sent him circling towards the floor, where my cat immediately launched in to finish the job.

Forget nerve gas. Saddam should've just thrown water-balloons of 409 at the Shiites. It'd give a whole new take on "ethnic cleansing."

(76,210)
Keywords: Chemical Warfare  Bugs 
Comments: 1  •  Post Comment  •  Share Share Top
Hank Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:03 am
She's real fine, my '409'


This reminds me of my early genocide days, when I murdered an entire wasps' nest with a 'Super Soaker 200.' They never knew what hit them.
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Bio: Daniel Roe
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Cake City

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Daniel is Medical Resident from the southwest US. Prior to medicine, he worked in IT as a consultant, programmer, web designer/developer, and technician.

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Health, music, economics, libertarianism, computers


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