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Flick your poison.

Poster: withnursedwound @ Wed Feb 11, 2009 12:41 am

So with all this arousing talk of STD's, the real question on everyone's mind is, which one is your favorite? After all according to some study which may or may not be accurate and could quite possibly be either complete bullshit or a fabrication of my overactive yet underachieving imagination, about 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 or even 1 in 3 of the cute little young (or old and fat depending on your preferences, Sir Mixalot I'm lookin' at you) things bearing XX chromosomes which you and I and everyone in general loves to oogle and fantasize about are rife breeding grounds for the kind of fungal jungle which would make the most insatiable of porno stud stunt cocks shrivel into micropenial vestiges of their former glory. I'm talking chlamydia rates in the northwest united states which make the vagina seem more like a rank elephant graveyard than a fertile flesh valley bordered by a miniature hedge of shrubery as nature intended. So if each casual fuck or commited infidelity you indulge in has the rather likely chance of landing you with some kind of crotch parasite the likes of which would make you wish that little worm from Aliens would just bust out of your chest already and end the agony of your pee-fire existence, why not compile a list of favorites?
Could it be you actually wouldn't mind cultivating a mushroom patch on the tip of your mushroom head? Would a persono-genital little fungi paradise remind you of fond summer days reading the Miyazaki classic Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind?
Or would you prefer red swollen nodules scattered across your once pristine labial pages. Perhaps you and your whorish lover could peruse the diseased brail and come to new sexual understandings which will help both to overcome the sorrows of infidelity.
Maybe you are one of those brave souls who could actually benefit from the excitement of not knowing if your anal warts will or will not rupture upon your next bowel movement. Perhaps much like the river ice betting game pastimes of frozen locales you and your friends can place bets upon whose Roster will be the first to rupture, and when! What exact volume of puss? Winner takes all folks, now accepting bets! Come one come all! I came and it was my downfall!
Connect the dots is more fun with herpes, and if you thought a flea circus was a load of fun wait untill you see the wonderous feats crabs can be trained to perform! These mighty beasts can heft the weight of twelve pubic hairs without cracking a smidgen of chitin.
If we as a generation can embrace the love of a Big Butt woman, what better to excite the deal than a Big Butt woman with her very own personal petri dish of observable specimens! Science in action folks, the convenience of getting your rocks off and learning all at the same time. Spandex pants once wore titles like PINK! and CUTE!, a new brand on the PoSTD market will read SWOLLEN! and CHEESEY!
It's a veritable parasitical jungle out there folks! So the next time your trip to the bathroom turns into an episode of Crimson Rain, don't just feel the burn, celebrate the pain! One thing is for sure, it is hard to be bored when there are scabs to be picked at...

Comments: 5  •  Post Comment  •  Share Share Top
Daniel Roe Wed Feb 11, 2009 7:01 am
mute you sexy beast you

I'm gonna try to post today

also: my most favorite STD is syphilis, my least favorite is HPV
Daniel Roe Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:09 pm
sorry, no post today, I think I got food poisoning from eating my own hair
1m1w Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:17 pm
My favorite STD without a doubt is AIDS. It just rolls off the tongue and it also rhymes with a great many words making it excellent subject matter for songwriting material as evidenced by the Ween classic "The Aids Song (HIV)" which is probably my second favorite jam to breakdance to in the entire world.
Don't worry about posting latewires as you need your sleep to be well rested for your digital vagina exams. Remember to warm your hands up by sitting on them for a bit before scrubbing up gloving down and diggin' in! If you find any cysts or nodules you should probably manipulate them vigorously just to be sure they arent actually highly aroused and aggressively infected Skene's glands.
Oh, and my least favorite STD is herpes because of those damn dirty priestesses of Ishtar and their fraudulently whorish ways.
Ebasher Thu Feb 12, 2009 2:25 pm
Hey I got food poisoning too, but mine was from McDonalds. I knew there was a reason I never ate there. Oh well, nothing a little arson can't handle. For the record my favorite STD is the one from Planet Terror where Quentin Tarantino's dick was melting off. Gives a whole new meaning to the term flacid penis.
1m1w Thu Feb 12, 2009 8:27 pm
Yeah, the Planet Terror STD is a pretty good one. Not only because it melted Quentin "Bananose" Tarantino's dong into a flesh puddle but it also scooped Stacy "PeePants Furgie" Ferguson brains clean out of her rather simian skull. A 2-for-1 if you will.
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