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Maybe The DEA Should Crack Down on The Black Keys

Daniel Roe
Poster: Daniel Roe @ Fri Aug 21, 2009 8:45 pm

Every day I wake up, make coffee, frantically choke it down like it's the antidote to some horrible poison, put on my tie, collect myself, get in the car, and decide what to listen to. This process can take several minutes, and has actually contributed to my baseline unpunctuality on several occasions.

The iPod was created in 2001, was in everyone's pocket by 2002, so by 2004 when GM designed my shitty mid-level sedan, these clever motherfuckers realized that future must be in these "Compact Discs." As a consequence of their level prescience, I have no way of plugging in an iPod into my factory radio, and am relegated to either using a shitty FM broadcaster or burning CDs. My car gets about 130 degrees during the day, so every CD I burn will invariably end up scorched and tossed in a fit of inconsolable rage into my back seat. I think the last time I cleaned my car I had about 30 back there.

The morning search for music in my car that will actually play used to be one of torture and compromise, but no longer! 2 months ago, out of hurried decision making and lack of ideas, I put together a compilation of a few albums I'd barely heard before--All by The Black Keys. I've listened to them almost exclusively ever since... And the volume knob keeps turning clockwise.

Sometimes I get embarrassed when I have passengers inside the car when the engine starts and the radio blurts out a second or two of 200 watts of heavily distorted guitar and incomprehensible lyrics (makes no difference, it's totally about the sound). I don't even realize I keep the radio that loud anymore. The last person I had in my car karate-chopped me in the neck out of surprise and fury--she thought I had put the volume up on purpose specifically to scare the shit out of her. Sure I was laughing, but I'm sure I had a deluge of shame just oozing out of my eyeballs down my cheeks.

My interactions with other people have suffered greatly. After my morning drive to the office, I usually end up pissing off at least one patient before 9AM. I can't help it though, The Black Keys are like some sort of musical crack-rock I just can't get enough of.

The worst part is, as my hearing fades away, the newly distorted sound emerging through the shattered cochlea and brain-stabbing tinnitus ends up making their music even better! Through my hearing loss and the volume gain of The Black Keys, I feel like I'm rapidly approaching a state of Nirvana. Maybe like that guy in Pi that finally figured out that mathematical formula to the universe. That movie had a happy ending, right?

This is a ridiculously awesome cover of She Said She Said by The Beatles.

Keywords: Music  The Black Keys  Nirvana  Pi  Tinnitis 
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Bio: Daniel Roe
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Cake City


Daniel is Medical Resident from the southwest US. Prior to medicine, he worked in IT as a consultant, programmer, web designer/developer, and technician.

Health, music, economics, libertarianism, computers

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