In these hectic holiday times it is so easy to get caught up in the bustle of things; buying presents, running last minute errands, picking up relatives at the airport, chasing gin with whiskey, making sure that grandma is still alive and knows who she is, etc. sometimes I think we as people forget about the true nature of the holiday season which is worship and devotion to our one true lord and savior; my mystikal master, Satan. It may very well be that Baby King Jew himself was born on Christmas day a fuckload of years ago but why waste your life worshiping a Jewish zombie anyways? Satan has existed since before time immemorial and was created ex nihilo rather than shat forth from the voraciously bleeding and gasping-gaping birth canal of an ambiguously virginal she-Jew. Given Lucifer's proficiency for disguise, it isn't all that unreasonable to assume that Satan donned the guise of an endlessly ejaculating angel of rape everlasting and sired the very King of Jews himself between the spread thighs of everyones favorite candle-jar mascot. So before you tie the final drunken knot on your holiday noose and hang your sorry sack of meat until stiff, do please consider who it is you drunkenly mumble your last desperate prayer to. After all, you're going to hell anyways so you might as well start earning brownie points with the angel of the bottomless pit. Word on the street is that hell has an excellent benefits package with plenty of uncomfortable living with promotion options available to the upwardly mobile minion. Keep in mind climbing circles is a pain in the ass without Virgil, but it is so very worth it for it's far from lonely at the top! The Muslims may get 72 virgins of dubious beauty, but down in hell there are literally planets of whores just ripe for the fucking. Now as it is appearing time for my 5:30 AM Wild Turkey enema, I'll be signing off and seeing you all... in hell. (9,398)
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