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Criss Angel's Biggest Fan

Ebasher
Poster: Ebasher @ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:12 am

I recently had the good fortune/misfortune of watching the very end of one of Criss Angel's shows on the A&E. Right before the credits Mr. Angel came on the screen and told me to go to the A&E website to discuss what I had seen on his show. He apparently did not know even with his magical powers that I had not actually viewed the episode being discussed, but I continued unabated by reality onto the interwebs. There I found a crazy lady who is obsessed with Criss. Here is one of her 1300 posts on the A&E website, and my response. Also a link to prove that A&E really has to deal with me (ebasher's note: I made my friend create the login on the A&E website because it was on her computer and I did not have a funny enough picture of me availible).

Her Post:
Criss kissed me in a dream

I had a crazy dream last night...And it was so funny..Wanted to share it with you guys.

It started like this...I was on vacation at the Luxor..By swimming pool...And Criss walks by with all these women (7 women) in bikini's...He comes to me and ask me to be a part of his trick he is filming for this episode...I was like ok sure...Yay! So I follow everyone....LOL Everyone then walked by these stairs and the women lined up on different stairs to take a picture for the episode...They were in white bikinis with blue trim...And then I looked down and there was this table in front of the stairs...And Criss told me to go lay on the table....I said what are you going to do to me...Cut me in half? He said no...So I went to lay on this table...And Criss bent over the table and came close up in my face and told me to close my eyes...My eyes were closed and they were filming this....He moved his hand over my face and I could feel this warm heat and I could smell washing powder..A clean freash smell...LOL and then I could feel Criss kiss me....Then Criss said open your eyes...I opened my eyes and there were 3 different men standing around me...None of them were Criss...I was like ewwwwwwwwww you kissed me! No way! I thought Criss kissed me! and they said...No one kissed you...I said yes they did...I could feel it...They said you think you were kissed and Criss Angel hypnotized you...And then I looked to the right and Criss Angel smiled and walked away....I got up off the table and walked away and was like wow! Then I woke up... And then I was like WILD DREAM! Wish it was real because whoever kissed me last night...That was sweet! Funny dream..I was tricked into thinking I stole a kiss!

The end...That's it...

My response:

You had a dream, and it was good.

They say dreams are a window into our inner subconscious, now I'm no psychologist, but I have had a few dreams in my life (none of which involved Mr. Angel, though many were magical) and so feel experienced enough in the ways of the sleeping mind to discuss your dream you have shared with the world via this website.

1. Confused Sexuality: I couldn't help but notice the attention paid to detail with regards to the skimpy garments adorned by the other women in your dream, and in contrast the lack of any fashion notes for the dream men, including but not limited to Criss himself. Now, in addition to not being a psychologist, I am also not an internet psychic: I have no concrete way of determining your sexual orientation by just reading the text your fingers have typed into the internet tubes, but based on the bikinis I'm thinking you could be the proud owner of some flannel sided Doc Martins. That or your subconscious is a lesbian.

2. The Mystery of Sex: That is not to say that I am judging you whether or not your are or are considering becoming interested in the poonany, sex is a mystery to all of us, one that we unravel and hopefully come to master during the course of our lives. Anybody who tells you they haven't at least considered playing for their own team is either lying outright, completely unrealistic as a person, or waiting for that certain special somebody to expand their dirty horizons. Maybe this dream is an outcry from your subconscious begging you to consider alternate methods of sexual satisfaction, Criss clearly has not finished what he started, unless you are one of the lucky few who can get off on just a kiss.

3. Date Rape is No Laughing Matter: This leads me to a more serious avenue of discussion, they say that dreams are the art of the mind, and that true art holds a mirror up to nature. In your recount of your dream you mention that when you are kissed your eyes were closed, and also that the whole thing occurred under hypnosis. Now I'm not a chemist, but they tell me that chloroform smells sweet until you hit the floor. I am however a drinker and have come into contact with a liquor by the name of Hypnotic that I know firsthand will get you drunk. Let's say that the night before said dream you were at your favorite local bar and a guy bought you a drink of this liquor, you notice as he's sliding it over to you that he dropped something into the glass. If it don't fizz, it ain't Alkaseltzer. Make him drink some of it before you do and if he refuses mace his face off right in front of his friends! That'll show the pervert for buying you overpriced vanity liquor.

4. Abandonment Issues: Everybody has issues, some are funny eg: people that are afraid of clowns, and others are funnier still eg: clowns that are afraid of children, but every once in a while somebody will have an issue that is not in fact funny, but rather serious. Super serious. Everybody needs somebody sometimes, and when that somebody is nowhere to be found, everybody has issues. The part of your dream where Criss walks away after supposedly kissing you speaks to a deeper feeling of insecurity both with yourself and with others. Just remember, even if Criss Angel wants to hit it and quit it, there will always be other lovers both near and far. You'd be surprised the lengths people will go to for some nookie. Even in your dream there were other men available, though they preferred to watch rather than participate. Voyeurs are people too, but they would rather you didn't know that they exist.

5. Welcome to the Internet: In summation, you had a crazy dream and shared it with the world. Kudos. Just remember, you might be a lesbian or at least a little bicurious, but no matter what they tell you to drink, they're just gonna leave you once they bust a nut/uterus. Also........................... eat it I used more periods than you. Welcome to menopause.

Signed,

The internet

The evidence: http://community.aetv.com/service/displ ... 901&ac=new

That is all, for now...

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Keywords: Mindfreak  Chris Angel  Gayism 
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